talk.think.toggle

of farewells and fare wells - 2

2005-03-12T11:20:00.000-08:00

as expressed earlier, i always feared the farewell at my college. it was fairly obvious to me in advance that the moments of hostel life, so spontaneous and very enriching had to be priceless. as the adlib proclaims – there are some things that money can’t buy…well this certainly was one.

previously i had two defining sets of experiences in my academic institutions. the first of them was a rather unpleasant one with my disability in articulating my thoughts in the native land coupled with the food preferences typical of my upbringing putting me at a huge ‘away’ disadvantage, to borrow a soccer parlance. the second one was characterised by an initial struggle only for the law of averages to take over.

this one was however a new experience in itself – it seemed to me that it was a tour through moderation. i had my share of triumphs and a lion’s share of heated arguments and misunderstandings (euphemism implied). there was certainly a distinct element of unpredictability that persisted throughout. until my pre-final year i thought i had to cope with only one year of bidding goodbye. however all that changed with a department event that brought our batch in close coordination with the seniors. i managed to land up with a new set of friends. thankfully (perhaps due to an inherent ‘seniority complex’), it wasn’t too hard bidding farewell.

the real tough part however came a year later. with quite a few events and incidents severely limiting my social circle, the level of bonding that i enjoyed with the remaining set of people had to increase. i got my first feel of this during my final year tour when i was shocked by a bout of fever that decided to make its presence felt after quite a few years. under normal circumstances i might have taken it as a blessing-in-disguise and taken physical rest. but somehow for every moment that i was awake and struggling with my illness, i felt double as weak with the thought that it was indeed my last tour. in fact i wanted to recover in order to rid myself of the mental suffering rather than my physical plight!

a few months down the line and it was time for the batch to leave. i chose to part from the place as late as possible. hence i subjected myself to more of the pain wishing my friends that they fare well as they left one by one or sometimes in droves. i do not know whether most of them actually saw a glint of moist in my eyes. i do not remember when i cried and when i didn’t. the complete realisation never actually dawned upon me in all its might until the moment. as i danced and fooled away to glory during our official farewell it never struck me that this was also a moment of sentiment. i never felt emotional when i left my classroom for the last time. but i did return to take photographs a couple of days later.

none of my photos of the institute and the locations of nostalgia has any humans in them. i chose to do this. to me it offers an opportunity to fill the frame with those precise memories most of which are oven-fresh in my memory. today as i look at those empty spaces in the photos i can clearly visualise the happenings of the past in them.

they say that life is full of new experiences. they tell me “move on.” i do; but not always. sometimes it is just not possible; at least not for a human of limited calibre like me. there are experiences and points of time in life which you would want to freeze; not because you don’t want anything better, but because you just can’t get anything better practically speaking.

today on the 12^th of march we had the convocation ceremony for our seniors. soon they will take our leave and part from one another. as i sat through the ceremony and moved around with some of them, i got a feeling of what i can perhaps term ‘consolation’. i know that a year down the line (hopefully not later than that!), as i graduate with a diploma in management, i shall miss the student life more than i miss the place and the environment. i hope to fare well after my farewell.

of farewells and fare wells - 01

2005-02-26T12:35:00.000-08:00

this evening presented the juniors an opportunity to bid an adieu to their beloved seniors. as the loud sound emanating from the loudspeakers echoed through the campus, and as the faculty came together to convey their wishes as well, inevitably my mind was filled with memories of the farewells that i participated in.

as is the case with most events, my first participation in my maiden farewell was an utter flop. as a student of the ninth class i took upon myself the onus of organising the ‘tambola’ as a game at the farewell. very true to my enthusiastic self, i embarked upon the task with utmost fervour. politics being a passion of mine back then, the mix of alphabets in the grid were a tribute to the prominent political personalities at that time. as my friends and i were awaiting the arrival of a bus to proceed to our school, we were requested help by a troubled truck driver whose vehicle’s engine had stalled. with hearts of stone, we refused to come to his aid, citing our apparel as the excuse. even i, with no care whatsoever for my dressing sense refused to help.

as my partly superstitious self would like to believe, the event was a thorough disaster due to my act of cruelty that morning. i do not recall much from the farewell given to us, but i do remember my envy at the winners of mr. & miss bav!

the final four years of school give us an opportunity to be part of the annual farewell. in my penultimate year of schooling, i recall reaching out for the yummy snacks long before our seniors did so. though i played no part in the same, i clearly remember the bad show that we managed to put up for them barring the exception of a couple of fine solo performances. with a croaky voice back then, i didn’t dare to even attempt a performance. when it was our turn to receive the same, i repeated the act of the previous year by grabbing the cakes asap.

apart from a long list of sermons from the administration and faculty, and a long queue to take their blessings, the highlight of the show was indeed a fashion ‘show’ that the juniors presented for us. it was rather amusing (anticipated though!) to watch the entire batch of ours rush to the first four rows of seating, and cameras flashing away, a la paparazzi. earlier during the show, i took full use of the opportunity to perform an act of total embarrassment. having ‘planned’ to dress ourselves in ‘lungis’, i brought a few of them for my friends as well. however we chickened out and decided against doing so. insistent on utilising them, i took them and swirled them in the air (with a friend thankfully taking a share of the stares) during a particular song or dance.

perhaps it was my gross lack of maturity that can be attributed to the sheer lack of any emotion whatsoever as i bid goodbye to the school that actually gave me for the first time a feeling of acceptance from the world. for nearly two years (barring the initial tough months i had there) i had actually lived through miserable academic performances and failures without actually feeling the burden of the same.

the many cricket matches played together in pitches of varying lengths & surfaces at different times of the year; the umpteen (a word that i picked up from my class teacher there) conversations that i had – some of them extending to four or five hours; vociferous arguments that amounted to nothing; the perennial struggle for survival in iit classes (which brings me back to ‘hell’); pulling one another’s legs at the slightest opportunity – all these and more remain etched – unscratched & unscathed five years down the line.

it was however my days the hostel during my engineering that actually brought about some amount of memories, emotions & fears of nostalgia to my head. my stay during graduation is by far the most eventful phase of my life, peppered as it was innumerable troughs, crests and plains. indeed farewell was the most frightening prospect for more than three years of college life.

black pocket

2005-02-16T11:12:00.000-08:00

the home leg (because it is more comfortable than the second leg) of the bi-trimester torture league came to a glittering end this evening. having waved a much awaited bad bye to the black world of midterm examinations this time around, it was time to hit waves. with bhansali’s latest magnum opus ‘black’ generating generous doses of hype, i felt it was necessary for me to test the waters. in my opinion (which i am sure wouldn’t find too many takers), his last two movies, i.e. hum dil de chuke sanam & devdas were abysmal by most standards. i thought that i would be third lucky.

the fact that the movie opened without much ado re-kindled that iota of doubt in my mind that the sole motivator for the movie was the passion to achieve what mr. gowarikar couldn’t not too long back. a movie with the likes of the emperor & the reigning queen of bollywood is expected to be a great entertainer. so how far did ‘black’ match up to the rather massive expectations of mine?

as the reviews reflected, and as my friends opined, the movie certainly belongs to the artist who essayed the blind cum deaf child. not many a seasoned artist can conjure up such a spell-binding performance. the big b was at his usual best. however unlike opinions that this was his best performance ever, my belief remains that his performance in movies such as ‘baghban’ and ‘aankhen’ were a tad above this one. rani as michelle piped ‘shashi’ of ‘yuva’ by a wafer-thin margin.

the movie certainly has its own gripping moments, some of which bring a small lump to one’s throat. however not a single scene pushed the tear glands to the point of overflow. i have no idea whatsoever of what makes a movie ideal oscar material, but i can vouch for sure that it is likely to land at least a couple of awards at the national level, which for sure would include a national award for the best junior artist.

unfortunately the movie is only a collage of sporadic beautiful moments. it doesn’t have a soul that binds together the high points of the movie. i wasn’t provoked into any kind of thought or pity at either the character or the visually disabled. this is indeed an indicator of the void that the lattice has. worse, i thought that it was only parts where the teacher suffers from alzheimer’s that strike a chord in one’s heart, perhaps that of fear (even though i may just be awaiting the completion of twenty two years of life!). my pocket charred itself black tonight.

my judgment is that this movie is unlikely to disturb that inertia of the cash counter bells. it should possibly get rave reviews and re-views from both those who appreciate a unique product as well as from the pretenders. in other news, it’s a year and a day since i committed one of the biggest blunders as yet – i cracked the common admission test on february 15^th the last.

happiness – the right combination

2005-01-04T12:04:00.000-08:00

mr. mehta’s shrinking smile must have broadened by miles with his latest issue selling more than hot cakes at least on cold railway platforms. after all the issue addresses one of the questions that pose no definitive answer to the teeming millions in quest of the same.

what is happiness? this age old question has haunted many a great thinker and thought leader. however recent research has moved in the direction of trapping happiness within a broad framework so as to come up with a magic potion that might actually guarantee happiness. a well-composed piece in the magazine points out to a fundamental definition of the same. happiness has been defined as a mix of work, love and hope.

though i might not have been in a position as fortunate to have been in a situation of copious work, love or hope, the small incidents and moments in my life put me in a situation where i can completely believe in this prescription. however what actually i disagree with is the effort to quantify happiness as a pre-defined weighted combination of the ingredients.

my argument bases itself on a couple of lines of argument. for one, based on the short questionnaire of four questions, each as broad as mr. mehta’s smile, i doubt the validity of the end result. the recipe to happiness is after all not same for every individual. different proportions of the components may give different results for different guinea pigs. besides i believe that contingency is an important factor to be taken into consideration. it is dependent on as varied factors as previous levels of happiness and relative comparison with kith and kin.

as a matter of fact i have a feeling that the formula to calculate happiness could actually yield results for levels of joy experienced by an individual. though many of us might think of both as same or at least similar, my belief is that they differ on dimensions more than one. for instance the time frame in question and the question of absoluteness as against relativity are questions that need to be addressed. though i might be hypercritical in my judgement, in my opinion, the results of the test are likely to be marginally more accurate than the result of a love calculator or the infamous ‘flames’ test.

in my opinion it is virtually impossible to quantify happiness. though defining the key constituents is indeed a small step in the forward direction, it indeed requires a giant leap of faith to actually trust the formula for it is more a sample mean with enormous deviation from the measure of central tendency!

hunger strikes back

2004-12-29T09:57:00.000-08:00

examinations are certainly not my cup of tea. the last week or so saw me in a situation where hardly anyone saw me with the customary cup of tea at two past midnight. the curtains drew on a rather eventful second term at the institute. barely forty hours after the last schedule of torture, my brains are focused on my very own bag of rubber - my elastic and ever-growing belly. having put aside more relevant and worrying thoughts right at the back of my grey matter, what many people refer to as masala, i am back to what i am pretty happy doing – blogging. of course given that it has been more than a fortnight since i put my pen to paper, or must i say the cursor on msword, i hoped to pen down something whose value lies firmly to the right of the origin as far as the axes are concerned.

but as it happens, haywire is the name of the game. after a disastrous attempt at doing what i wanted to, i gave up. i quit. i know no one likes quitters but i just quit. so far i have not written anything worthwhile in this post nor do i actually intend to. this post is just a glass of orange juice meant to break my self-imposed but unjustified fast. now that i have paid attention to my hunger, i should hopefully get back to satisfying that hunger for posts. meanwhile as the bottom of my stomach sends out distress calls, it’s high time i satisfied my more tangible hunger. food and belly, here i come!

globe - my perspective

2004-12-01T12:18:00.000-08:00

of late i find myself at the receiving end, be it in the classes or feedback from multiple sources. one criticism that i find hard to digest is that of being a ‘globe’. for those uninitiated into the formal world of business and business education let me first clarify the meaning of the ubiquitous and badly abused word.

as against the rather extreme stand that i took in an argument during the day, my personal opinion on ‘globe’ (on afterthought of course) remains inclined towards the moderate. and unlike venkatachalam’s blog post, this is not a humorous take. in b-school parlance, the word symbolizes attempts, successful or vain – attempts to cover up lack of knowledge or attempts to appear knowledgeable when one is not. it wouldn’t be a hyperbole to state that it is a representation of true management, albeit a bit foolish – roaring even in the enemy’s camp.

having defined what the word stands for, i think it’s high time i moved on to what it are not – acts and comments that are often wrongly perceived as ‘globe’ - for instance, flowery language. flowery language in a report is taken as a means to hide one’s ignorance. my stand on this remains clear. it is based on two aspects that bear very little correlation to one another. let me draw a parallel to demonstrate the first plank of my argument. how many of us would not try to present our examination scripts in the best of our handwriting? is that elegance and beauty ever perceived as an unnecessary evil? not at all, for it has been ingrained into our psyche. or for that matter how many of us would write what we think is right in the exam, and incur the wrath of the professor? no sensible soul from amongst us would ever indulge in such acts. then why on earth is beautiful language looked down upon? true – a stunning handwriting often covers up for shit that is expressed, but that certainly doesn’t imply that anyone who is blessed with a neat handwriting is making attempts to do the same. somewhere the law of converse statements being true has to be put to a logical end!

of course there exists one more face to the entire issue, an aspect that hardly anyone would admit. mockery of the so-called globe is often (consciously or unconsciously depending on the individual) an expression of envy or jealousy – a reflection of one’s inability to have that decent command over language, and occasionally a mode of reassuring oneself that academic rigor is all that matters – an idea that i have been opposing ever since i remember. and i don’t think i need to curtail my tendencies in using a good writing ability just to stoop down to the level at which most proponents of the ‘globe’ theory live – people whose prime belief is that anything that has to do with relating to life and human behavior is crap – very contrary to my belief (which i know is right) that learning from and about life around us is the central purpose of life, rather than trying to make sense out of a few numbers.

this is an issue very close to my heart, hence the excessive length, passion and the fact that this post finds a pride of place in both my blogs. and i shall continue to do what i have been doing – relating what i learn and study to what i already know, and what exists around me. it doesn’t matter if the ignorant around me think of it as a strategy to kill time or anything else. my belief remains that this is indeed the way to learn, and to add further, the only stuff that is really relevant, and the only stuff that is actually challenging. and believe me, i am no heretic.

how not to write a statement of purpose

2004-11-27T12:29:00.000-08:00

this statement of purpose was rejected by a leading recruiter at the institute, very contrary to my expectations. perhaps this will serve as a guide as to how not to write a statement of purpose!

"thamasoma jyothir gamaya" proclaims a prayer. for as long as i remember, i have strove to remove the weeds of ignorance from myself and spread the light of knowledge to others as well. it shall be my constant endeavor to pursue learning continuously whenever and wherever i find an opportunity for i believe in the power of knowledge. "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, and they act on different bodies" states newton’s third law of motion. this law does not apply to most social transactions. i shall always remain oriented towards giving back to the society more than what i receive.

the knowledge that i possess has told me that people are the biggest assets both in an organizational context and in a more personal tone. understanding the needs of people whether they are the internal customers of the organization or the external ones shall be a top priority for me. i look forward to gaining the trust of my team members & other colleagues and adopting a customer-centric focus in what i do.

one of the earliest lessons that i learnt in management, courtesy my father was the universal truth - "change is the only constant thing in the world". as a person who appreciates, encourages and adopts different perspectives, i aspire to lead successful and effective changes in my organization and eventually in the industry.

a smile that goes around comes around. i have never fallen short of efforts to bring a smile on the faces of my family, friends and colleagues. whether it is a step in the direction of reducing anxiety levels or consoling an aggrieved person, i have always tried to use the power of a smile to do that. my initiatives and efforts in that direction shall remain alive for eternity.

i look forward to a fruitful career at the organization that i work for & develop a symbiotic relationship. i aspire to sharpen my personality, develop all round abilities (best characterized by my belief in the modified maxim – “jack of all trades, master of at least one”). i hope to leave an indelible mark in whatever i take up and make myself, the people that i love and my organization proud of me and my achievements.

CAT: For those of you who came in late

2004-11-26T13:44:00.000-08:00

I wrote this article for rediff.com. Most of the writing is mine. However the publishers have polished the work. (I know it is pretty late to put this up, but...)

Home > Get Ahead > Careers > Cracking CATCAT: For those of you who came in late
C S Ramakrishnan October 20, 2004

Get Ahead has invited readers who have successfully cracked the Common Aptitude Test to share their tips/mantras for success. Select entries now form a series of reader-driven articles on how to ace CAT.

You filled in your CAT application form. You sent it in well before the required date of September 10. Then, for whatever reasons, you were unable to devote any time to the frenzied preparation that normally precedes CAT. Finally, you decide you would rather not take the exam this year. But something inside you refuses to let go. So, even though you barely have a month left, you decide to give CAT a shot.

CAT -- a manager's tale

Take a deep breath and digest this -- CAT is designed to test the skill sets you will need to be a great manager. Just remember -- management is a different cup of tea. Your intellectual abilities are important, but they are definitely not the end-all at making you a pro. There are other skills that are just as important.
So, look at the CAT exam like a typical multi-dimensional problem a manager would face. Normally any such problem would have to be solved in a given time frame. The solution should adhere to certain basic minimum requirements. A good manager should also be able to provide a solution that is fairly accurate. Besides, he should not crumble under pressure. These also happen to be the skills you need to ace CAT.

A question of choice

For instance, how good a time manager are you? Everyone knows the intellectual abilities required to tackle CAT are not exceptionally high. Instead, make intelligent decisions. Choose questions that will maximise your score in the given the time constraint of two hours.

A multi-dimensional focus

Sometimes, a singleminded focus does not pay. A manager should have the ability to tackle various problems just as he should be able to tackle various aspects of a single problem. In CAT terminology, this translates to proving your competence in each of the sections, because each of them tests a totally different aspect of one's aptitude.

The best of the rest

The important point to note here is that one is not expected to get an equal score in each section. What is more important is proving you are among the best in that section.
For instance, the number of students who get a score of 20 in Verbal Ability is far higher than those who score the same in Quantitative Aptitude. An ideal allocation of time would be 40 minutes for each section, unless one is exceptionally strong or weak in one of them.

Dealing with stress

Stress is another important factor. This feeling of pressure is compounded by the fact that one does not know the ideal marks one should score in CAT. Adding fuel to the fire is the limited number of seats each IIM offers.

The importance of accuracy

Finally, we come to the most important aspect -- accuracy. Students with a modest number of attempts and a degree of accuracy in excess of 85 percent or so manage to outsmart others. After all, as a manager, one has to take good decisions.

The P of preparation

So how does one prepare? Believe me, it is not too late. CAT is not about good old hard work. It is about smart work.
For instance, the concept of multiple-choice questions is CAT's most powerful and user-friendly feature. Very often, you can eliminate answer choices or work backwards or, even better, use a combination of both these strategies. Time management is something that comes with practice. Choosing which questions to answer, however, is the result of a combination of self-assessment and practice.

Late starters

For those of your who are late starters, I would suggest you avoid focusing on your weak aspects. For instance, if you are not confident about permutations and combinations, it would be better if you could just learn the basics before focusing on your stronger points which, for example, could be geometry.
This is more applicable in the case of QA, given the relatively low number of average attempts. It is important you understand and manipulate the constraints of CAT to your benefit.

The B school funda

CAT is the most important part of getting admission into the prestigious Indian Institutes of Management. A good performance in CAT gives one a head start over the others, and often offsets other factors in the admission process.
Just as the days of cost have given way to the value-for-money policy, so have the days of absolute slogging given way to the new mantra -- smart work.

C S Ramakrishnan will graduate in the Class of 2006 from IIM Lucknow.

DON'T MISS!• Take the fear out of CAT• Not prepared for CAT?• Techies can crack CAT too• CAT: A reality check

to that could have never been - 05

2004-11-26T13:29:00.000-08:00

i intend to give no excuses for the frequency at which i have been posting of late, but i must say that it gives one that warm feeling to be back at one’s own blog after a rather long break of exactly a month. let me resume from where i left.

as i had previously stated, the thought of facing the seniors was sending shivers down my booty (i seriously do not understand what that statement means!). thanks to that whiff of good luck that came my way, i managed to successfully evade them for the day. with the set-up time being rather high in the day, we room mates had little time to interact with one another. the room we had seemed tiny when the entire luggage was unpacked. i was particularly disappointed with the volume of the shelf that we had. given the spread of my baggage (both in literary and figurative sense), and my previously unblemished record as the master of organized chaos, it was little surprise that the space seemed more like a work of bonsai than anything else. with great effort i managed to stuff in all that i had in a way that it appeared neat.

though i did escape the wrath of the seniors that day, i got chided by one for showing red & white bravery by seating myself on a rock in the midst of a thicket. that rather untypical act can be attributed to my efforts towards being inconspicuous. muttering under my breath at the rather narrow escape from the twin-headed danger that faced me, i made it back to my room. for most of the day and night i was deeply engrossed in deep thinking. i was in what i call as the ‘planning mode’. the day passed off rather uneventfully with some amount of ice-breaking being the only activity. tomorrow i plan to have sum fun at index, our annual marketing fair. (planning mode again!)

to that could have never been - 04

2004-10-27T11:14:00.000-07:00

one cannot miss him in a crowd thanks to his towering presence. he was the only known face here when i left the safety of home. and then the blue maruti omni pulled over. it was just past afternoon. out stepped srinivas. i had half a mind to call him by the name he was known at school, but held my tongue thanks to his parents’ presence. what he did solve initially was my lack of a notepad. he whipped out a bound volume and handed it over to me. i was looking forward to having him in my class and hostel. neither of them happened.

i bid temporary goodbye to him and rushed to my class. as a favourite teacher of mine used to exclaim, it was a fish market. there’s this idiosyncrasy about me. whenever i join a new institution, i believe that if i manage to occupy the first seat in the class, the place would bring me good grades. and so i did. seated next to me were kanaka santosh and hari prasad, both from salem. apparently they seemed to know each other beforehand. a roster scan of the room followed. the seating arrangement seemed much more comfortable than the iit classes that i used to attend not so long back. how i had almost forgotten all that? our class coordinator, mr. natarajan walked in. we understood that he would be handling mathematics for us. i had joined with great hopes. having narrowly missed iit, i was confident about ruling the place. would i or wouldn’t i? the question kept racing through my mind as we were shown around some of the labs that would haunt us in the first year.

the composition of the class seemed to be eclectic to say the least. i could quite easily identify the so-called ‘pseud’ crowd from the locals. after the entire unnecessary din on day 1, i returned to the comforts of the hostel. i do not recall when exactly my father left for my local guardian’s house. back in hostel i was trembling from the fear of ragging. i tried making myself inconspicuous but i do not think that i was ever successful. not even with the freshers. oh god! i had to meet arvind also, a known senior! going to his room past all the seniors would be like putting one’s hand into a lion’s mouth. and that i did. very soon.

and yes, today i changed my mobile phone cabinet. the broken one is still in my bag though. blue rules.

to that could have never been - 03

2004-10-23T16:35:00.000-07:00

tomorrow would be a busy day. in the given context, a huge mattress all around me was not my idea of a good sleep, more so in a rattling train. as my dad and i stepped out of the compartment, a gaggle of porters and auto drivers swooped down upon us to start their daily business on a positive note. finally a resourceful driver managed to corner us with a fantastic bid.

leaning out of auto, i could catch a glimpse of what would be my home, college and all for the next four years. the sight was a bit disappointing what with the hostels resembling a row of disheveled flats. anyway i didn’t have to feel bed for too long. everything got back to normal once the gate came within sight. the receptionist at the enquiry and the office staff directed us to the hostels where i had to register first. i was anticipating allotment of a dormitory. instead, to a mixed feeling of pleasure (thanks to possible additional comfort) and a tinge of disappointment, i found myself in room number 221 of ‘a’ block, sharing a room with four other fellow students. i found the room satisfactory. three of them had ‘booked’ their beds whereas the fourth one was yet to make an appearance. a warm greeting later, i understood that two of them, dhinesh and madan were from salem. the third one too was from salem, and had dropped his stuff in the room. i took the bed nearest to the door (only two were remaining) as any logical human would.

the room had a bathroom (sorry for the reference to manac) which i considered both an asset and a liability. the vegetarian mess was the next stop for my father and i. my initial impressions of the food being served allayed most fears regarding the taste. the 20th of september 2000 was a wednesday (or so, i think!). we were served pongal and vadai for breakfast, with venkatesh doling out generous helpings of the food. he was the first mess hand that i knew. oh god! now i had not just students’ names to remember, i had a lot of faces to commit to memory. post-formality completion, we headed to the auditorium, anna auditorium, with a seating capacity of maybe thousand or even more. it was time for the chairman’s address. as the entire crowd assembled rose in unison to greet him, the college ‘prayer’ song was played. the irony is that it wasn’t a prayer song. it was a tamil song with weird words, so much that i could catch only two words – ‘tamizh arasu’ from the song. it would be played on all occasions.

we had purchased the bare essentials such as buckets and mugs. the chairman’ speech seemed straight out of a dialogue writer’s best works. very awe-inspiring indeed. i would have taken every aspect as absolute unqualified truth if not for a couple of statements making unbelievable comparisons to the iits and bits. the top few in each department were honored with scholarships for the first year of study. fortunately or unfortunately, i wasn’t in the roll call. i would later realize that the student with the highest cut-off in our institute would be my room-mate, the fifth one.

to that could have never been - 02

2004-10-20T12:32:00.000-07:00

four years at a remote semi-urban setting can be a frustrating experience for most mortals. not for me. after that extended period of time, my first and lasting thoughts are that it was all but a small capsule, so very typical of life. to me, my life at vit represents the best four years of my life so far, and the crystal ball doesn’t portend any situation even half as memorable as this period for a long time to come.

now why the hell should a relatively unknown institute hold a place of pride in my tiny heart? because of the gamut of feelings that gripped me there. because i can tell with absolute confidence that i lived life. ecstasy interspersed with frustration at intervals that followed a near clockwork precision. were my overtly great expectations satisfied? never. but then imperfection is beautiful. perfection is never. life there was always peppered with small moments to cherish that added spice to it.

first impressions are often the best and the lasting impressions. i visualized the place as a palace decked with the choicest of chandeliers from the window of an express. i stepped into the hallowed portals for the first time somewhere in the fall of 2000 to complete the formalities. and true to my initial impression, it had that stunning look inside as well. neatly maintained lawns, huge hostels and an intricate system of academic blocks. it was nearly a dream come true for me. for a few moments i left bitter memories of not having got the prestigious institutes that i had aimed at. paradise had been regained. it was with great hope that i expected to return to the place in a few days.

to be contd…

to that could have never been - 01

2004-10-18T06:57:00.000-07:00

nostalgia, memories and emotions can be overwhelming. i realized the latter at a very tender age as a possessive (should i say obsessive?) rebellious kid. however the emotions of walking down the memory lane would be an experience that would take me in its unflinching and unwavering grip at a much later point of time in life, ironically precisely the time you wouldn’t expect yourself to be affected by them.

from very early on, sentimental clips in blockbuster indian movies have been much more effective than the folic acid of onion. as i would like to put it, pin-drop emotions. as a young man on the threshold of adolescence, my experiences in school at kochi were not exactly the greatest moments of my life. it isn’t exactly a great feeling to be sort of ‘rejected’ thanks to your background, something that one has no control over whatsoever. in this case, my language was the barrier. i do not recall missing the school until the day i left the place. even that can be attributed to a fear of the unknown – “known devil is better than an unknown angel”, as they say. the next two years of schooling was a mix of fun, frustration and fear. fun because of the people around me – people who taught me that serious fun and funny seriousness are not exactly great examples of oxymoron. the two years were fundamentally sinusoidal in their nature. what with the crests of being loved by practically everyone around, and the troughs of experiencing failure in the form of the iit s and bits rejecting me. it was the first time in life that i opened up. the time i began appreciating and understanding the blades of twin-edged sword of leg pulling. true, i bled many a time but did also bleed many others! :)

the failure to get into the premier institutes left me not with just lessons in focus, but a likely distasteful experience of studying in a private college, an idea that seemed too down market only a few months back. to me the choice of my college was just more than a formality. my decision to join my college was based on the two factors of positive reviews, and its proximity to madras, not to mention availability of hostels. sometime back two things happened that successfully gave me a temporary bout of amnesia. the first one, both in terms of chronological rank as well as contribution to the sudden upsurge of memories of the recent past is something that sent waves of insecurity, possessiveness and what not through my otherwise calm blood stream. the second one was an episode of f.r.i.e.n.d.s wherein the characters try thinking of ‘that could have been’. can i ever imagine my life without those four years at my college? my four years at vit…

to be contd…

how much equality have women achieved?

2004-09-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

egalitarianism doesn't run in our blood. we men, i mean humans, always need to classify the whole race into the weak and the strong, though sometimes the line that divides them is pretty blurred. not in the case of the gender divide. much as men would like to play down their attitude towards the fairer sex and women continue to project themselves as equals, if not first among equals, the truth remains undistorted. utopia is not visible as much as the eye can see. one may take up cases such as job opportunities, equality in voting rights and increased involvement in decision-making, blah, blah...but then they are nothing but silver linings in a dark cloud. in fact, in many, many cases, provided we are ready to accept that urban population is not the only group of people around, and often even among the high-ups, jobs that ladies take up are nothing more than an augmentation to their family income (read spouse's income).

where does the root lie? in the past, very obviously. a society groups people into different categories based on the importance attached to what they do. food gathering and warfare being the prime focus of our stone age ancestors, women with their less sturdy build were sidelined. religion added fuel to the fire. they were not given the honour of offering even their prayers in a public occasion. what else can one make out of women being denied the rights to chant the all-powerful gayatri mantra? or glorification of sati? pathetic.

as time passed, the deeds of rajaram mohun roy and the like have certainly given them something to cheer about, and in turn have given menfolk some reason for feel less ashamed. however a lot of ground remains to be covered. there are a lot of aspects that we have got used to. they may appear trivial, but they are symptoms and results of the epidemic, rolled into one. for instance, why do we call the human race as mankind? why not womankind, or for the sake of equality, humankind? or for that matter, why do women call their husbands with respect, even when their husbands don't return the courtesy? superficial measures such as reservation of seats in the parliament are but something to start with. something that should have happened at least half a century back. their effectiveness is of course a big question mark. or for that matter, why are the worst of abusive language dedicated towards demeaning a woman, across languages? all the big talk of equality is just skin deep, as skin deep as the beauty that is abused by film makers.

what does the crystal ball have to say about the future? apparently things seem to be brighter than they were. but then it all depends on how much the indian 'nari' can tap into her strengths such as sensitivity, understanding, work ethics and attitudes, current fashion fads such as metrosexuality, etc. clearly there lies a huge opportunity. the bottomline remains unaltered - men fron mars and women from venus have to co-exist in 'alien' earth.

are we really free ?

2004-09-28T08:51:00.000-07:00

the day before yesterday, i was attempting to write an essay for vichaar 2004 here at hell. the first essay that i came up with was totally philosophical, and unfortunately abstract, and as a certain constructive critic put it, fleeting. i consoled myself telling myself that it was because of the mammoth word limit of 200, oops 2000 words. all the same i was reluctant to put it in the 'rejected' lot in my black box. hence i thought that i would come up with the soul of the same here.

let me start off with my definition of freedom. here i am talking about personal freedom. i define freedom as an inter-dependence characterised by complete trust. i would consider a person who gets strongly influenced by a few people who he really cares about much more independent than most others who take care to ensure that too much of them is not under the influence of a couple of individuals, preferring instead to mould himself giving undue respect to the thoughts of six-billion odd people instead. why? because only two handfuls of the mammoth population sets the norms that others have to follow. and one handful of them are motivated by their own selfish interests. it's a pity that these so-called self-determinants are actually bothered about what a majority of unrelated people think than about the small few who actually are concerned about them. people who depend on a selected few are free...fre from worries and tensions...because they know that what they do is going to satisfy at least 4-5 people. people that they are bothered about.

with this impression of freedom, i must make an unqualified statement. about 99.94% of us are by means even in a position to visualise what freedom is. trsut me if you can. my experiences as a person who chose to get shaped by a select few have been heaven in comparison to the rather unfulfiling experiences as a person who took the beaten path. it will be really tough initially. but you can always try to achieve perfection. freedom is bliss. it has to be experienced. try to.